Money.

Money doesn’t care if you live or die

Money doesn’t care if you laugh or cry

Money doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor

Money’s just another word for whore.

Why do I hate money? Well, “hate” is a strong word and requires energy so I suppose I don’t “hate” it, I just dismiss it.

Money? What the fuck is that all about! It seems like a “Middle man” to me, and we all loathe middlemen, don’t we?

You can trace the evil of “Money” all the way back to……………. Well, a soddin long way back. “It is the ROOT of all evil apparently, but the establishment that represents that view has more of it than anyone! And, positively encourages those who have both none and loads to give them more! Not sure why the blatant hypocrisy of that little scenario eludes people.

Don’t get me wrong here, I wish I had oodles of the stuff; but that is as far as it goes! I am not going to chase the damn thing for 60 years when it is as stable as a three legged chair sat upon by Cyril Smith! Oh bloody no. I have had some, once, and it was awful! I couldn’t keep hold of it for love nor…………….. Well, it slipped through my fingers like sand. It would even “Talk” to me! It would say things like “go on, use me to satisfy that daft need to look like something you are not” it would.

They say “Money talks”! Yes it does, and what it says is “give up your life for me” can you imagine that! Give up your life for an illusion (actually, if you believe in the Bible (instead of the Babble) you probably CAN believe it)

Ok, that’s a bit daft isn’t it, after all, with money you can buy food and toys (hey, we all have differing priorities you know!) but let me ask you a question; “what if it suddenly disappeared”? It’s gone and you have never heard of it? The word “Bank” only conjures up the scary approach to Gibraltar airport or a heap of earth beside a road. Are we really so feeble of mind that we believe all the things we have achieved in history “Needed” money to make them happen! It was a manipulation by those who had no “real” worth that brought it about and it is STILL being controlled by the same people! “YOU” are the providers of the wealth to the unworthy.

"Writing"

I can think of at least 3 ex girlfriends who said “you should write”. One was HR Director at Reid Elsevier so “should” have had a little knowledge on the matter. Another provided me with the environment under which I “Should” have been able to “produce” but it didn’t happen. And then there was Emma Shackle, my Psychology Tutor who even remarked “Your essays are very entertaining, Journalistic even” but she also observed that my “reading” required “Deeper effort”! I would read quickly, pick up on the salient points and then bang out 5000 words. It was quite effective from a “points” point of view!

What I was not able to do very effectively, was “stay on track”! Punctuation and grammar were also woefully inadequate and I would also get carried away on some contentious issue to the point of anger. Tom, the Sociology Tutor saw elements that he described as “Visionary” in my essays but also concluded that I was “NO Academic” J

I have to ask myself “why would I want to write anyway?”  For the moment it is an exercise in catharsis; I have had a very noisy cerebrum for at least 35 years and that coupled with a faulty cerebellum and an overactive Amygdala! Does NOT make for a very coherent writer!

I know that when I “write” it comes out lacking the detail of what I am trying to say. Even the “essence” seems faulty when I re-read what I have written, so it still seems a little early to be thinking of writing. I have not the desire to write something I have not developed complete confidence in! There are also “rules” which currently, completely evade me.

Having said all that; I DO like to empty my head of things now and then and THAT is what this blog is about. So for the moment “spontaneous waffle” suits me just fine and dandy.

I purchased “Dragon Naturally Speaking” a while ago and have been unable to make it work so my dream of being able to “talk” and have it transcribed, has been dashed.

When I was 39 I was involved with a Swiss girl. That, like all before, had fizzled out but I was quite taken with her and so tried my best to re-kindle the relationship. I was working in Vienna but not enjoying the job and so one day I purchased a bicycle and panniers and decided to cycle to Wettingen in Switzerland. This I decided to do in March and via the Tyrol! It was foolhardy but an exciting prospect. Now I decided to write on the journey, and record everything.  It was a log and a diary and some form of poetry and it ended up looking like a love story. Fran (ex Reed Elsevier) read it one day and said “god Tony, this is great, you should get it published” I asked where the hell would I do that, and she replied in a “Women’s magazine”!

For me, after having re-read it, it just looked like a load of sad romantic slush and I was not happy with it. I certainly didn’t want to have something that seemed to me, naïve nonsense, published and so it never went any further. I have since lost the laptop it was on, so now cannot even edit it to my satisfaction. So far, anything I have written has been quite interesting to me because it has shown how much my thoughts have changed over the years.

It is also quite depressing for me to know my views/feelings are quite out of step with the “Norm”. it “doesn’t bother me “That” much but it does make me think “what’s the point in saying what no one wants to hear” you go through life “Knowing” you are alone in your mind and that a whole bunch of people say “well I am not bloody surprised!” no, I am not surprised they are not surprised! (Do you ever get a word or phrase that just keeps repeating itself over and over in your head and no matter what you do, it won’t stop?)

Annoyingly, (for me anyway) is that one of the subjects I would most like to concentrate my mind on, is “relationship” it has been the overwhelming preoccupation in my life and still confuses and befuddles the living hell out of me!

Problem is………… they are a seriously difficult thing to remain objective about. But it is my belief that it is a key subject in human development and it is not given enough importance in that development.