Being, as I am, a kind of social voyeur (some call it anthropology) I often find myself drawn to the less salubrious publications on the internet. No I am not talking about the conspiracy theory sites rather the mainstream newspapers such as the Daily Mail. This week there was an article from one Samantha Prick about how beautiful she is and how it has been a bane. Firstly, she isn’t beautiful in my opinion; she is at best quite attractive in a curious way, like a Doll but not a Barbie doll. Secondly, she is correct! Oh yes, she has a point with regard to perceptions people have and how they can affect you (if you let them)
Over my lifetime various people have suggested I take advantage of what “they” perceived as my good looks. It has ranged from being an escort (even suggested last week!) to modelling or acting and on a few occasions the extreme................Gigolo-ing. Some have intimated I have already been doing this as I have been with a couple of ladies who whilst not rich were at least financially independent. That one really irks me as I have never let money be a reason to fall in love. And frankly it is an insult to those ladies that they would have been stupid enough to entertain “me”.
Whilst I do take issue with the article and the simplistic nature of her argument, I do understand there are shall we say, issues in that area? It depends largely on how one perceives ones-self too. I know I come across sometimes as confident and sure of my looks but the reality is far from that simple. I am NOT confident for example, never have been probably never will be. The “Oh lord it’s hard to be humble” song, for me, is a laugh. But there is truth in what she says. Whilst in NZ I went to a professional recruitment agency that was billed as “The” agency for NZ. The recruitment interviewer told me I should “tone down” my look because it would probably intimidate the prospective employer! I was dumbstruck. There she was in all her makeup and cleavaged glory telling “Me” I was good looking and it might have a negative impact. That was the first and only time I ever really thought, “I am fucked”! I have no discernible talent/skill that employers are looking for, due in large part to never really knowing where I fit in and at 50 years old I am being told to “look uglier” if I am to get work in NZ!
The only area I am constantly advised to work in is sales, and I have already figured out I have too much of a conscience to try that one again.
Once many years ago I went to the Sandra Reynolds modelling agency to see if there “was” any truth in what people had been telling me. The guy who saw me took off my glasses and said, “Hmm, you eyes are quite big”! my immediate thought was, “so put me in a fucking meercat advert”! even my last girlfriend (who was a model and actress once) said my height shape and general measurements were perfect for a male model. I on the other hand look at what does pass for male models and then look at my photographs and have to laugh. My nose is large, my teeth far from perfect I have a less than strong chin and jaw line, narrow shoulders and enormous “brackets” for wrinkles. “I” am under no illusions about my looks. Of course I appeal to some ladies, don’t we all one way or another? As is the case in reverse.
When I reached 30 I happened to be sailing in the Med and a fellow sailor said to me “we are now at the age when we will be taken seriously in business, now it’s our time”! he was a highly skilled marine electronics engineer and did indeed go on to business success in Barcelona, I always got the impression anyone “I” tried to do business with, thought of me as a mere lad, it was the wives of the successful yacht owners that liked me and there was a distinct air of suspicion from their husbands. I am sensitive to atmosphere and I know Tolerance when I feel it!
The only time I managed to get my mug in some form of modelling was when Isobel started Izzy Lane and I did the men’s section. And they were awful! Even when I managed to get in Gladiator I spent more time hiding from the camera than proactively seeking the limelight. The sub director said at Shepperton when I was all made up; “ooh, Ridley will love you, you will go straight to the front”, it didn’t happen and was never likely to.
I see myself in that grey area of not handsome nor ugly, like the large majority of us but for sure when I fall in love, she is beautiful and would hope she thought I was handsome.
