Being “Mono-Renal” as I am, had always convinced me I was not going to get a full crack at this carbon life.
Having been seriously ill as a child I “felt” as a teenager, “well, I ain’t gonna get a fuckin pension”! And that is a pretty good motivator for remaining outside the systems of society, in general. I am not generally altruistic towards “Humankind” (Oxymoron?) “Individuals”, yes, but the “mass mentality” seems a load of mush without a coherent plan for its own improvement or even for some semblance of contentment and stability. (Other than on an “Individual” level!)
I spent many of my early years “searching” for some answers that might shed some light on any potential “after-life” and remained “in the dark”! Yes there were some odd events/circumstances that hinted at there being something more than this physical existence, but nothing (as “I” could perceive) “convincing”. So at 51 I am now wondering if I am actually going to get to “pensionable age” and if so, how I might be living. But then, I am STILL convinced it won’t happen and am perfectly content with that notion.
There is actually “Nothing” man-made that warrants any clinging to life as far as I am concerned so there isn’t any real reason to fear NOT having anything. Ergo, no reason to fear death. (As it is morbidly called) the “Manner” in which one encounters the inevitable moment is the concern! Mangled in a potato chipper doesn’t sound too good! Neither does 5 years on oxygen having ones arse wiped because all practical human systems have packed up. “Dignity” is the key word for me; quick, no fuss no pointless clinging on to something past due.
I was thinking about “Thinking” and I thought…………….” How am I doing this? This “Thinking”? Where is it coming from? Why am I doing it? Will it produce anything of value? Does it have to produce anything of value? Is it “Me” doing it? Who is “Me?”
“Where is it coming from” is the interesting question for me at the moment. It seems, most of the time, to be a processing of information acquired from MANY different sources over a long period of my life. And I “Know” 99.9999% recurring of it is bullshit! Bullshit from all sources. Given enough time (and I have had loads!) I can figure out that most of what I “Know”??? Is not at all, what “I” know, it is information someone else “Told me THEY knew”. You try and sift out the “Informational knowledge” from your innate knowledge! You probably wouldn’t even know what was “Innate” and what was “indoctrinated”, er, I mean “Learned” I get the distinct feeling, we are not really being ourselves and that we haven’t a clue what we “Really” are. I DO know, I am a part of a universe. I also KNOW I haven’t a clue what a “Universe” is other than what I have been “Told” it is! I therefore don’t trust my knowledge/understanding of that either! Take “Doubting Thomas” and multiply his “Doubt” by a Googolplex and you find what is deemed to be “Me”!
I “feel” as though something is missing? I trust my “Feelings” more than anything else and even they are subject to scrutiny. Especially if after “going with the “Feeling” and then thinking you got it wrong!”You shouldn’t have trusted it.
I am leaning towards non-duality as a perfectly “reasonable” (questionable word!) answer to many questions I am not prepared to live this life in an “anesthetised manner simply to procure materials that will serve no purpose other than to perpetuate the anaesthetic.
I put a lot of stuff on facebook about conspiracy’s, I am well aware that they can be, and are, viewed by the vast majority as, just that, but why ? why should the instant response of the majority be “conspiracy theory” with all its negative connotations? Is it beyond the ken of man to believe his fellow man would want to control, suppress, enslave him? I think fuckin not! It has been done before and that particular mentality is still very abundant today. Just look at the dictators toppling all over Arabia today! But “Who” is really toppling them? The media would have us believe it is the “Will of the people” but even a cursory glance at some of the “western” involvement shows that to be a possible falsehood. The West has a lot to gain from these topplings, well, when I say “The West” don’t make the mistake of thinking “We” as the large proportion of the West will benefit, it will almost without a shadow, be a few individuals and their entourage who benefit. “My” living carcass won’t gain anything whatsoever. And neither will those of the “Freed”!?!?
Since the dark ages a few families have been benefitting from the proceeds of a brutal lineage. Their pursuit? The acquisition of property lands etc. it is NOT a conspiracy theory, that “Money” is a private concern. It IS. Not what you’ve got in the bank, “what it actually is and who owns it” if you have the power to decide what something is worth, you effectively “OWN” it?
If you ask me to do a job and I say ok, I want 1000 Mars Bars to do that, to use “MY” time and effort and skill which I have decided (as is MY right to decide?) is what I am worth, then THAT is what I should get! If the same job is measured in 1000 pound notes (lets say a Mars Bar costs a quid) then it is effectively the same but when I have earned those 1000 pound notes, unless I immediately go out an buy 1000 Mars Bars, my time, effort, skill, becomes subject to what a Banker decides!!! “That” alone is NOT acceptable! It means I am enslaved to his/her decisions! Make no mistake, “That IS slavery”! and it is the most heinous form there is. It is YOUR life that is being dictated to by someone who has NO concern for your welfare.
