What a week and weekend. And Christmas just around the corner! It’s just as well I am the embodiment of “Bah Humbug” otherwise I may have found myself genuflecting in some house of shame!
Twas the week I put myself on the line “publicly” about writing. Yeah, it is true I absolutely adore the activity of attempting to translate thought to paper; problem for me is that what goes on in “My” head frightens me sometimes! And despite the fact that when adding up all ones friends I probably don’t really need more than a couple of hands, the thought of potentially alienating myself from them never really appealed, but then I had an epiphany. I had heard about these epiphanic moments and was expecting all kinds of fanfare or at least a million candle power light bulb appearing above me bonce, it didn’t, no lights no trumpets just a sickening realisation that if I had a metier it was writing.
I realised I don’t even need to be any good at it. 10 years ago the brother of a girlfriend said “the average earnings of Authors was about £5000,00 a year” back then I wasn’t too impressed with that figure and it took me until now to realise that the money is irrelevant. Yes I AM a slow learner! Slow in some areas and rapid in others, where my own welfare is concerned I am sloth like, scrub that, Sloth riding a Snail on a glacier is probably a better description.
Then I thought “what the hell of any interest have I got to say”? it was a little more of my proclivity for self denigration which I think may come from not wanting to be beaten to it! It was pointed out by my landlord a few months ago as a feature of my character he liked! Now some may be concerned that an apparently “negative” trait is an endearing feature but not me, oh no, I have been harping on about there not being enough “straight talk” in the world, and by straight talk I mean, point my wart out please because “I” am deluding myself it isn’t there and “You” can see it so if I am to Bazooka it, I need to know. I can’t say that as an absolute because for all I know you may be a myopic mole (Tautologically speaking) and it could be a beautiful spot as in Louis 14th and not pubertal! So, wart identified I cogitated and came to the conclusion, “I ain’t gonna find any physical work that would provide enough sponduliks to survive” so stop trying and do something, non physical that you like, to not survive!
Next thing is Christopher Hitchens died and it was the reading of a few of his obituaries that made me realise it doesn’t matter if you are a “contrarian” if ever there were a man who “wrote of the moment” it was he, and that is what I do. No I am not comparing myself to him, I am much taller and dark haired for a start and I haven’t had that elite education which in some, expands the vocabulary to an art form, I don’t have his amazing memory or ruthlessly critical thinking ability either but I do have one similarity, I have mislaid the “diplogene”. So I am now able to be an opinionated arsehole on just about any subject and not feel, “I shouldn’t have said that”.
I also realised that my time at the Casita has come to an end and there is no escaping the fact that I haven’t done anything practical about where next, or what next. It was the vision of trying to pile everything back into the car and then driving up the track to……………….nowhere in particular that prompted me to ask FB friends for a topic about which I could write 5000 words. Being told by someone you have never physically met to “just bloody get on with it” is a good motivator; yes I wanted some feedback on the entertainment value of my writing. I am aware that a few people saying some nice things isn’t really sufficient to make such a decision but it has been said many times before by people I really should have put more faith in, people who loved me and wanted me to fulfil my writing ambitions. I let them down in many ways but let myself down more.
I wrote in an essay for my psychology tutor back in 2001 that I believed the “family unit” was no longer the most important in society and that we were developing a much wider family by way of the communication advances in technology. I was not aware of FB then in fact it hadn’t started but it seemed to me that we were going to be connected with the world on a personal level very soon. And that means getting a grass roots no holds barred in yer face perspective of life. That is now the case and even though it produces a lot of inane scribble there are some real gems.
So, if it brings me fame and fortune I have decided to give it all way! And as a newly converted Contrarian I can change my mind and create some sophistry to justify keeping it all!
