No Title.

When I was a kid, (a small one!) I used to love those programmes about the world. I particularly liked the documentaries showing far flung places like the Zanskar Valley or in particular this one that showed the life of a “road train trucker” in Australia. It has occurred to me in recent days that there was a lot of “loneliness” in my taste. These were remote places untouched by human hand for the most part and virtually ignored by the west in its relentless quest for minerals. Now I know that my interest was not based on my current knowledge of the west’s greed, rather something much more melancholy. I don’t really “fit in” anywhere. It has become painfully clear in recent weeks that my particular “philosophy” (if it can be given such a grand title) runs counter to just about every other. Yes there are “similarities” with other philosophies but there is always a final sticking point that renders me bereft of will when trying to adapt to any of them.

Take the “capitalist” view for e.g., it requires of me a level of involvement that minimises individuality to an extent I am not prepared to go. All the “trinketry” on offer couldn’t persuade me it is worth losing freedom. Yes most people do it and don’t really think they are giving up “freedom” some even think it gives them freedom! But any close inspection shows that to be false. The whole idea is to become reliant and subservient to a system. If it was just a “government” it would be simpler to understand but it now means “corporate subservience” too. The only “Business” I can think of that “insists” by law, you use them, is “Insurance”! Ever try and resolve an issue with a large phone company? Gas, Electric? It is nigh on impossible to resolve ANY issue with a large company without “Giving” your “free” time and lots of it! And even then the likelihood is you will be left feeling “shafted” and certainly angry.

You go to work for a sum agreed for your time which you base on what you need to survive and maybe have a little left for something “You” want and the value of that input is controlled by people you don’t know or even have any reason to trust, if I was any one of the many who lost all their hard earned in the banking crisis of a couple of years ago, I would probably have gone apeshit and tried to get at least one of the thieving bastards responsible. Anyway, that’s for another time.

Where does “me” fit? I mean “ME” the real me? It isn’t time to be the highly vibrating spiritual being we could all be, we are so way off from that little Nirvana, yes I am “Cynical” and a quick look at where “Cynicism” came from doesn’t make it something I am ashamed of either!

Cynicism: in its original form, refers to the beliefs of an ancient school of Greek philosophers known as the Cynics (Greek: Κυνικοί, Latin: Cynici). Their philosophy was that the purpose of life was to live a life of Virtue in agreement with Nature. This meant rejecting all conventional desires for wealth, power, health, and fame, and by living a simple life free from all possessions. As reasoning creatures, people could gain happiness by rigorous training and by living in a way which was natural for humans. They believed that the world belonged equally to everyone, and that suffering was caused by false judgments of what was valuable and by the worthless customs and conventions which surrounded society. Many of these thoughts were later absorbed into Stoicism. Can’t see a lot wrong with “That” particular philosophy!

So where the hell does that leave me? Well, back to loneliness. I have a few, shall we say, “Beliefs” about mankind that are hard to deal with, (not for me I hasten to add) I would love to believe that if you only ever “Input good” everything will be ok, there is some benefit in that attitude as experienced by some I know but it isn’t going to be benevolent ALL the time, and the times it isn’t may not just affect “you” it may affect the person who loves you too. Some may say, “well, you can’t live your life in fear” otherwise you wouldn’t do anything” true, but there are certain things that are NOT based on “Fear” they are based on “Knowledge” and empirical experience, and there doesn’t seem to me to be much point experiencing or learning if one isn’t going to “adapt” ones attitude to it. That tends to make me less approachable than I might like and NOT “aloof” as some have said! NO I don’t trust many people, why should I? Why should I render myself vulnerable when the potential threat may not be immediately “visible”? What kind of stupidity is that??  Maybe some people “Can” get some kind of “Growth” from being hurt, I sure as hell can’t! I have had my fill of that particular “benefit”! So for me it remains a journey, a journey which seems to be endless and without any obvious end. The philosophy that espouses that, is alien to me. “No end”? Why not? Why shouldn’t there be any kind of contentment? I am sure there are many peoples in some parts of the world who have no “need” to constantly get “challenged” constantly “discover,” have “they” stopped “Looking”? Is it wrong for them to have decided there is a “way” that satisfies and encompasses everything necessary for a happy fulfilling life? Nah, I don’t think so.

I said to someone the other day that my quest is “to find love” it was ALL I was interested in on this particular visit to planet Earth. Everything else was window dressing and could be lived without if one had Love. I am talking about the “one on one” kind here! Some, at this point, will say, “Ah but without money or a job it is difficult to keep love going” yep, “in the “Civilised? World” maybe, in that world where part of daily life is to try and get by as best you can, step outside that world for a few minutes and think how much does it “really” matter! Have a think about a Jewish couple in a concentration camp (horrible example I know) I wonder how much trinketry or social interaction they needed to still Love their partner. It is probably a bad example because it is more than likely that the adversity and dreadful conditions created a deeper need to be united, but there’s the rub. When all is said and done, only “Love” had any chance of survival, had any value. And it would likely have been a “one on one” love. Take everything else away and what we have left is a deep rooted need to be loved and to give love to one person in particular. It is “different” to the love we should express towards our fellow man/woman, it must be.

I am known to be a bit “analytical”! some say “over analytical” (please, no playing with the first four letters of that word!) it is true, I DO give a lot of thought to a lot of things and in doing so sometimes miss out on “spontaneity” but it would hardly be fair to say it has “curtailed” my life!! Ffs, I have sailed the Atlantic as a result of a spontaneous action! And “many more” adventures. I am just more reserved with “people” but I am no “loner”! I would shrivel without human interaction. I may be a bit “fussy” about who I interact with but not from an arrogant perspective! I have witnessed “boredom” from some who I have interacted with. I am sure I bore the hell out of some people just as some have the same effect on me. “I” am usually deceitfully polite and try and extricate myself at the earliest opportunity! Try not to offend, “That” is how I expect people to treat each other. Most do I imagine?

I will be honest here and admit that I fully expect to remain “lonely” for the rest etc. I am reconciled to the fact that I am a little too weird for most people’s taste. I have come to realise that the woman for me is but a dream. I have been able to “adapt” my desire to fit in with a whole bunch of peccadilloes but there are some things I just won’t accept. The lack of a certain emotional and physical exclusivity for one. And NO I don’t have “insecurity problems” in the classical sense! I view certain aspects of a “relationship” as “exclusive” you can “include” people at many levels but “blur” things and it can get messy. I know many couples who have that exclusivity and it works just fine thank you very much! And yes, I have experienced the alternative! I have been a bastard to a partner and came away feeling like a heel! I am NOT proud or happy with some of my history. One person in particular suffered from my lack of exclusivity and that was many years ago and I still feel bad about letting her down, I no longer beat myself up about it but recognise where it came from and what causes it. and I am not just talking about unfaithfulness in totality here either.

(Don’t know whether I should post this blog, it is a bit revealing!)

It is late June and in a few weeks I have to leave this little paradise for about a month, maybe more if the owner has other plans, and that, coupled with a recently depressing set of events, puts me squarely back where I seem to belong. “Beginning again” oh tedium! I have decided to get rid of 90 percent of my things and try and have only what I can carry, that is going to be a difficult task as I am still quite attached to certain items. I have an Emelda of shoes and boots, some unworn and most, expensive that I will take a bath on selling, but hey ho, easy come hard go! I have an Elton of clothes most of which are now way too big for my recently diminished stature and again loads unworn! What then (you should ask if remotely interested!) well, (I reply to an unheard question) “I don’t know” I have had all the “Oyster” I can handle for the moment, I “want” a little hideaway where no one expects much of me, where I can do just what is necessary to eat and manage my little life without having to attempt a re-entry!

“Houston, we have a problem”

In 2010 I along with Laura, emigrated to NZ; it was the realisation of a lifelong ambition to go there and live. It took the best part of 2 years to get in and upon arrival it became pretty clear it was going to be a 15 year battle to get accepted. A whole load of aspects were not as they had been portrayed. And equally to be fair, a few assumptions were wrong, but the land mass itself was amazing and nearly all of the NZers who had travelled were just fine. By that I mean, accepting of incomers, but the non travelled were hostile. Sorry, but they were. To call a 5 year old Honda Accord (which has a seven year rust warranty) a rust trap ready for serious problems is just moronic. But a good enough reason for them to charge an arm and a leg to “repair”! “ah but you salt your roads” was the stock reason, yes we do, and cars imported officially (unlike most of the NZ cars on the roads) are “Under sealed” specially for that situation! It was a con plain and simple, a con to extract money from “cashed up Brits” (a common expression for recent émigrés) what was strange was that if the UK ever wanted to “re-stock” Britain with “original” Brits, Nz is perfect, except you wouldn’t want to! 200 years of isolation has had an effect. It was a battle Royal to get me in because of a 25 year old conviction history which by all “apparent” legislation, should have been considered “Spent” it was by no means done and dusted either. The visa was a LTBV” Long Term Business Visa which didn’t give any security of acceptance until they were satisfied. And would have meant spending vast sums of money without knowing if you would be accepted. Many immigrants were “trapped” and desperate to get out but they were quietly ignored. I don’t look on that experience as a “good one” it was devastatingly disappointing for me and I think Laura. It seems the world is more of a “Clam” than an “Oyster” you just have to choose where you want to be “clammed” and then make the best of it.

Oh, BTW, I am NOT depressed! I am ponderous, curious about where my life is going next. I AM filled with trepidation, always am at this point but resilient enough to accept it will change again and always hopeful it will be a pleasant experience, but for now; I am quite bothered that a situation I “thought” was near perfect turns out to be lacking in a couple of areas I am NOT able or willing to compromise on. J

That’s it. Thank you for listening/reading or whatever.

Do something, "Anything"!

Am I “that weird”?I often wonder if there was a major omission in my development; I mean, how is it that whilst having a reasonably intelligent brain (others say it not me) and an ability to rationally analyse most circumstances, I still fail to grasp some apparently “normal” behavioural aspects of other people? From a “relationship” point of view, I am not even going to try and figure it out anymore! But from a more general perspective I am struggling with the mentality of some people’s beliefs. For example: it seems logical and reasonable to believe that an individual would do their utmost to maintain a “position” they like. If one had reached a certain level of financial success you would likely try and protect it quite vigorously? And the evidence of that protection would be fairly obvious. Ones attitude would be defensive against anything that threatened that position? It seems to me therefore that taking it to a higher level would be a no brainer! Any “elite family” (of many generations) Rothschild’s for example, are probably going to “defend” their wealth and assets with a ruthless vigour? My problem with this scenario is that: as an individual is quite capable of ruthless downright criminal behaviour in their search for whatever it is they are searching for, is it not reasonable to believe an “elite family” would also do “Anything” to maintain a position?? It can’t surely be “Impossible” to believe?

I always thought “if you can think it, it is probably possible” I also always thought “man is capable of “Anything” both good and bad. I believe fundamentally, man would happily enslave his fellow man in order to get what he wants and I believe he is and has been doing exactly that for millennia. I had a girlfriend who quite happily said she would become an assassin and have no compunction in dealing with the likes of Fred Goodwin, we both felt that way yet we don’t, we get on with life as best we can but it left me thinking, well, “States” do it all the time! They always find some “justification” for it they just don’t openly accept they do it. How in the hell can “That” be part of “acceptable society”?? It is wrong for individuals to do it but ok for governments?? They aren’t doing it for “Our” benefit! The Israeli hit squads don’t say hang on a minute government; we can’t just “Decide” on someone’s guilt and kill them! We have a system of innocent until proven guilty! Usually dealt with by an open court! They just go and do it. Frankly, “I” don’t have a clue about Osama Bin Shot other than what the “Western media” has told me! Is that “Media” whiter than white? I don’t bloody think so. I just don’t get how most people can carry on as if everything is sort of OK when the evidence that it is NOT ok is all around us.

I have had this thought process for as long as I can remember; there is no way I am going to “contribute” to a system that allows the likes of the worlds Bankers for e.g. to get away with robbing the population of its hard earned! We all “Know” they have pulled a fast one and got away with it and what have we really done about it? “Fuck all”! There are big fat odious scum sat on mega yachts as we speak enjoying the fruits of “Your” labour because they screwed the system. That alone should have galvanised the general population into “decisive action” how are these parasites of ANY benefit to “Your” life?  For the last couple of years a few people and corporations have made billions while the rest struggle! Another no brainer that there is something fundamentally wrong with the system. I guess people are too scared to believe there could be another way, a different way.

I don’t really know what the answer is; I have a few ideas, but no definitive solution. What I DO know is: doing NOTHING isn’t an option! I hate it when innocent people get hurt by “activists” but I admire the courage of anyone who risks their own freedom/life in an attempt to make a change. Britain’s wealth (now gone) was built on its army’s ability to “terrorise” (don’t give it a fancy name!) other nations and it was born out of nothing other than “greed” by a few people “for” a few people, “Nothing” has changed other than those few people have abandoned the “flag” they used to hide behind.

Random randomness.

The 21^st May came and went much the same as any other day on Planet Earth; no skies full of “enraptured” souls going home and nothing new in world geological movements either. Any surprise there? No, didn’t think so.

We are “Biological”, why is that so hard for some people to live with? I have absolutely no need to rely on an “afterlife” in order to live this “actual” one!

I admit to having spent many years thinking about something as yet unknown, possible “spiritual existence” soul, metaphysics in general and yet I have an abiding feeling we are simply “smart monkeys” (not that smart!) why would that be so bad anyway? Maybe if we accepted we have a small lifespan and that we must leave behind our children, we should make every possible effort to make the planet a “Far better” place for them and theirs. The ludicrous thing is that we can and have had the power to make Earth a paradise for centuries but politics commerce and religion have stopped it fundamentally in its tracks. “Politicians”? “A few greedy men attempting to line their pockets” Merchants ditto, religious leaders ditto.

I have been accused of so many things over thirty five years because I have not been a real part of “society” having lived a life outside the confines of gainful employment etc I have been able to take a good long hard look at how it all works and what it really represents. Now most people will have some derogatory comment about that life and me in general, it won’t be anything I haven’t heard before and it will flow like water off the ducks back; it doesn’t matter to me. It is clear that there is a comment or metaphor created for anyone who questions the system and it is designed to be an attack on an individual’s moral status. I was thinking about the word “Vagabond” and how it has negative connotations; In the law of England, the Vagrancy Act 1824 provides that “every person wandering abroad and lodging in any barn or outhouse, or in any deserted or unoccupied building, or in the open air, or under a tent, or in any cart or waggon, [...] and not giving a good account of himself or herself [...] shall be deemed a rogue and vagabond,” and may be imprisoned for up to three months on conviction by a magistrate .How  can anyone look at that history and feel we are anything but free! I didn’t realise I was born into slavery but whichever way you look at it, we are slaves. If you find that palatable, that’s ok, but what about those who find it abhorrent? I don’t want to kill anyone and I think I should have the right to make that decision, but by being a member of a group or society that wages war, I am tacitly approving that action! I won’t do that and if I am made to, I am a slave. Having been told a lot of my arguments are “simplistic” I have decided to work everything back to “simplicity”! Most things really are quite simple they have just been obfuscated by the wordsmithery of politics. “Sorry India, we are skint, we cannot give you any money”! Simple.

Over the last few decades America has spent 5.3 trillion on defence weaponry and other war tools, think about that number. One trillion dollars today would allow you to buy Coca Cola, Apple, IBM, Bank of America, Ford, General Motors, Toyota, Motorola, AT&T, as well as Exxon Mobil and STILL have enough left over to live comfortably on just the interest from the billions left over– not to mention the profits these companies generate. And yet ……………………………….sorry if you think I am a dreamer but that just doesn’t make sense. I refuse to even try and get my head around senseless things. Apparently it was necessary to keep America free? Hmmm, today America is 1.4 trillion in debt! Call that freedom?

So anyway, here is what will happen one day soon:

Everything you thought you knew will be proved false. Everything you thought you owned will be taken or rendered worthless. One day you WILL be a controlled unit of economic collateral (probably are already) you will NOT have any say in how you live (effectively don’t now) Mr Camping will die an earthly death and I reserve the right to amend these predictions if I bloody well choose to. J

to sell or not to sell.

The year is 1979; I have a shiny silver Mohair suit and black suede winkle picker shoes. I just managed to get accepted on a sales training course for a company called “Alico” (American Life Insurance Company) (that must have taken some brain power to come up with that name!)

I had 4 days to learn all I could about how to con, I mean persuade, someone they “really needed accident protection cover” 

The head office was in Crawley if memory serves me correctly, one of those big glass and steel monstrosities that probably don’t exist now (hopefully) there were 5 or six of us doing the course only one was a woman. I won’t forget her because she looked a little like Jodie Foster and she drove a new Fiesta XR2; it was the era of the Hot Hatch. “I” was without wheels which I didn’t give much thought to at the time even though it would be helpful in getting from town to town in order to harass, er I mean persuade people they really DID need cover.

Every morning we would all pile into a room and the sales trainer Paul would start by getting one of us to sing “Zippadee doo dah” not kidding! One would start and the rest would follow. It was a means of psyching up for the day and developing a happy mood! When it was my turn to start I was mortified, I was so shy and couldn’t perform in any way in front of strangers; but I did start, I started with my head facing slightly down and mumbling: zipadeedoodah zipadee ay, my oh my what a wonderful day……………and then everyone else chimed in and before you knew it we were all doing impressions of the great man himself! Then when it was over “everyone was laughing and talking as if they were at a party”! This system was loosely called “PMA” positive mental attitude.

Having started the day this way we were all quite prepared for the training sessions and they were quite fun. We would create situations and take turns as sales and conned er customer. A few days in and we were “tested” there was a prize to be had and yep, it was me wot won it, I was the bees knees in training, the dogs cojones, and what did I win? I won a book called “The success system that never fails” written by W C Stone. I was hoping for a car or something practical but no, I got a book!

A few times in my life I have come across people who have made it financially well and there have been those who applied the techniques of PMA. I even met a man when Barbara and I had the yacht who told me to “write down what I wanted and I would get it” if it was really what I wanted. What they are all getting at really is “focus” drive, direction, heading off with blinkers in order to achieve one goal “Wealth” the fact is, it works, of course it works! If you really have that drive and you exclude all else, you likely WILL achieve the goal. I often wonder why this approach hasn’t worked for other goals like world peace animal rights etc, it seems to have most positive effect when applied to Money. I wonder if it is because the desire for wealth has become the biggest driver of human effort now? I don’t know.

Back at Crawley the course finished and Paul took me to one side and said he had great expectations for or of me! He was mighty impressed with my training and would do everything in his power to see that I succeeded! We went to an “Alico” conference where awards were being given out to existing salespeople for their achievements and then at the end we were welcomed into the fold and given a gift, it was a little round side plate that had been created with a slogan on it, it said; “you have always said you will do (whatever) when you get around to it, well this is your “round tuit” so now you have no excuse”!  They had called a “Plate” a “Round Tuit” I was still hoping it was going to be a fucking car! But no, a “Plate”

Well, out on the street was a different matter. We had been told to be in Maldon (Essex) in the morning where we would start selling insurance.

Alico was clever, being a part of the largest insurance company in the world it could be. Alico took NO prisoners! We were told we started at the top of the high street and visited “Every” shop business on it. From cobbler to Bank. It was “cold calling extreme”

I was on one side and the “divorcee XR2 blonde” was on the other. My side had the Cobbler and hers the Bank!

I walked into the Cobbler and said “Hi, my name is Tony and if you have a minute I would like to talk to you about ……………..he responded “Insurance”!! Insurance!! I have had bloody insurance up to here!!! Now we had been taught “rebuttals” or “AH Buts’” but I can tell you, “I wasn’t going to try and go any further with this fella” he wasn’t happy.

Now bear in mind I was 19 ish and I was dressed in shiny silver mohair suit with those beautiful black suede winkle pickers. I was 6’2” and weighed around 9 stone! I must have looked like a silver toothpick! Meanwhile miss bloody wonderful was dressed in boob enhancing top and looked gorgeous! I ended the day with 2 sales to her 10, and that is how it went for the week. It wasn’t going to happen and I was ruining my shoes AND my feet!

Paul told me I had to persevere and he was really motivating but frankly, at that age and in those clothes and without a car I found “Motivation” very difficult. So I quit. What I discovered about the experience was that “everyone” “THOUGHT” I would make a great salesman, what they really didn’t realise was that if the product was shit I couldn’t sell it. I was too nice to people and didn’t like selling them something they didn’t want or need.

This situation has repeated itself several times in my life from English fine bone china to Motorcycles, if “I” don’t like it, “I” can’t sell it!  If that isn’t some kind of “Honesty” I don’t know what is.

Money.

Money doesn’t care if you live or die

Money doesn’t care if you laugh or cry

Money doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor

Money’s just another word for whore.

Why do I hate money? Well, “hate” is a strong word and requires energy so I suppose I don’t “hate” it, I just dismiss it.

Money? What the fuck is that all about! It seems like a “Middle man” to me, and we all loathe middlemen, don’t we?

You can trace the evil of “Money” all the way back to……………. Well, a soddin long way back. “It is the ROOT of all evil apparently, but the establishment that represents that view has more of it than anyone! And, positively encourages those who have both none and loads to give them more! Not sure why the blatant hypocrisy of that little scenario eludes people.

Don’t get me wrong here, I wish I had oodles of the stuff; but that is as far as it goes! I am not going to chase the damn thing for 60 years when it is as stable as a three legged chair sat upon by Cyril Smith! Oh bloody no. I have had some, once, and it was awful! I couldn’t keep hold of it for love nor…………….. Well, it slipped through my fingers like sand. It would even “Talk” to me! It would say things like “go on, use me to satisfy that daft need to look like something you are not” it would.

They say “Money talks”! Yes it does, and what it says is “give up your life for me” can you imagine that! Give up your life for an illusion (actually, if you believe in the Bible (instead of the Babble) you probably CAN believe it)

Ok, that’s a bit daft isn’t it, after all, with money you can buy food and toys (hey, we all have differing priorities you know!) but let me ask you a question; “what if it suddenly disappeared”? It’s gone and you have never heard of it? The word “Bank” only conjures up the scary approach to Gibraltar airport or a heap of earth beside a road. Are we really so feeble of mind that we believe all the things we have achieved in history “Needed” money to make them happen! It was a manipulation by those who had no “real” worth that brought it about and it is STILL being controlled by the same people! “YOU” are the providers of the wealth to the unworthy.

"Writing"

I can think of at least 3 ex girlfriends who said “you should write”. One was HR Director at Reid Elsevier so “should” have had a little knowledge on the matter. Another provided me with the environment under which I “Should” have been able to “produce” but it didn’t happen. And then there was Emma Shackle, my Psychology Tutor who even remarked “Your essays are very entertaining, Journalistic even” but she also observed that my “reading” required “Deeper effort”! I would read quickly, pick up on the salient points and then bang out 5000 words. It was quite effective from a “points” point of view!

What I was not able to do very effectively, was “stay on track”! Punctuation and grammar were also woefully inadequate and I would also get carried away on some contentious issue to the point of anger. Tom, the Sociology Tutor saw elements that he described as “Visionary” in my essays but also concluded that I was “NO Academic” J

I have to ask myself “why would I want to write anyway?”  For the moment it is an exercise in catharsis; I have had a very noisy cerebrum for at least 35 years and that coupled with a faulty cerebellum and an overactive Amygdala! Does NOT make for a very coherent writer!

I know that when I “write” it comes out lacking the detail of what I am trying to say. Even the “essence” seems faulty when I re-read what I have written, so it still seems a little early to be thinking of writing. I have not the desire to write something I have not developed complete confidence in! There are also “rules” which currently, completely evade me.

Having said all that; I DO like to empty my head of things now and then and THAT is what this blog is about. So for the moment “spontaneous waffle” suits me just fine and dandy.

I purchased “Dragon Naturally Speaking” a while ago and have been unable to make it work so my dream of being able to “talk” and have it transcribed, has been dashed.

When I was 39 I was involved with a Swiss girl. That, like all before, had fizzled out but I was quite taken with her and so tried my best to re-kindle the relationship. I was working in Vienna but not enjoying the job and so one day I purchased a bicycle and panniers and decided to cycle to Wettingen in Switzerland. This I decided to do in March and via the Tyrol! It was foolhardy but an exciting prospect. Now I decided to write on the journey, and record everything.  It was a log and a diary and some form of poetry and it ended up looking like a love story. Fran (ex Reed Elsevier) read it one day and said “god Tony, this is great, you should get it published” I asked where the hell would I do that, and she replied in a “Women’s magazine”!

For me, after having re-read it, it just looked like a load of sad romantic slush and I was not happy with it. I certainly didn’t want to have something that seemed to me, naïve nonsense, published and so it never went any further. I have since lost the laptop it was on, so now cannot even edit it to my satisfaction. So far, anything I have written has been quite interesting to me because it has shown how much my thoughts have changed over the years.

It is also quite depressing for me to know my views/feelings are quite out of step with the “Norm”. it “doesn’t bother me “That” much but it does make me think “what’s the point in saying what no one wants to hear” you go through life “Knowing” you are alone in your mind and that a whole bunch of people say “well I am not bloody surprised!” no, I am not surprised they are not surprised! (Do you ever get a word or phrase that just keeps repeating itself over and over in your head and no matter what you do, it won’t stop?)

Annoyingly, (for me anyway) is that one of the subjects I would most like to concentrate my mind on, is “relationship” it has been the overwhelming preoccupation in my life and still confuses and befuddles the living hell out of me!

Problem is………… they are a seriously difficult thing to remain objective about. But it is my belief that it is a key subject in human development and it is not given enough importance in that development.